My Brilliant Career

I began as an archaeologist, but I never dug it.

From there I became a surveyor in the Rockies, but I never measured up.

I left the quarry for something more concrete.

I tried tort law briefly, but it didn’t suit me.
And at bankruptcy law I was worthless.

Was a journalist for a few years, but by thirty I was through.

Selling imported china wasn’t my cup of tea, and being a diamond dealer was too damn hard.

I just wasn’t cut out to be a garment worker; ditto a copy clerk.

I started to write poetry, but I was soon barred; then I wrote some music, but I was immediately banned.

My foray into ceramics was half-baked at best, and soon went to pot.

Graphic design wasn’t much of a draw, and my time in mass-produced fashion came to a rapid clothes.
And it’s nearly impossible for a sculptor to carve out a living.

Being an actuary didn’t add up, and counseling gambling addicts was no better.

Carpentry was dull, and woodworking left me bored.
After one day in building demolition they told me to hit the bricks.
And street paving made me feel like a complete retarred.

I took a crack at chiropractic, but I couldn’t adjust.
I couldn’t get my head around neurology, and gerentology got old real fast.
Phrenology was too bumpy, and proctology a pain in the ass.

I wanted to be an economist, but there wasn’t much demand.
I was flat broke when I began trading stocks, and when I was done somehow I was broker.
There was no future in commodities trading, but then, I was only marginal at best.

In cartography I was certainly no legend.
And as for petroleum wildcatting, well….

I worked briefly in a fruit and vegetable processing plant, and you can figure this one out for yourself.

Firefighting fizzled, pest control bugged me, and selling vacuum cleaners just sucked wind.

Putting on trade shows was too conventional, but astronomy was just out there.

I had so many problems with milking viral cows, it was just
wan thing on top of an udder.

Raising geese brought me down, and elevator repair was hardly a lift.

I took a booth at a tiny flea market, but that was a little bizarre.

And I managed a grain processing plant, but you know that was run of the mill.

As an engraver I made no impression, and as a trade rep I never acquired any import.
In software engineering I never got with the program, and that really bugged me.

Believe it or not, I even trained to be a Benedictine monk, but I really had no chants.

Days at the sperm bank were too long and hard.
And the armor museum could only give me the knight shift.

So after all that, what am I today?
An architect.
Why?
I had no choice. I was drafted.